


Breathe Me

by orphan_account



Series: Determined and Demanding [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:37:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1408516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew that logically, he shouldn't be alone right now. But his mind wasn't thinking logically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe Me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Breathe Me by Sia. Lyrics that are not mine are included in the fic. I take no credit for the words in italics.

_Help, I have done it again_

Gavin rocked back and forth on his couch. He had is knees pulled tight against his chest as he fought against the tears that tried to well up. “No.” He wasn’t weak anymore. “No. No.” He was better.

_I have been here many times before_

It had been weeks since he’d been this bad. He was making progress. His phone buzzed, signaling he received a text, but it was too far away to see who is was. Gavin didn’t care to talk to anyone right now anyway.

_Hurt myself again today_

He covered the scars on his bare feet with his hand. He didn’t need to look at them right now.

_And the worst part is there's no one else to blame_

He was such a fuck up. Those scars mocked him every day; forever a reminder of what he did to himself. All his issues were his fault. His problem. His burden. His curse.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

He was week and alone. Wrapped in a ball of shaking limbs, he was small. He was nothing. What was even wrong? His day had been fine; his anxiety wasn’t high. There was no reason for him to be feeling this way. He was just weak and needy.

_Unfold me_

_I am small and needy_

Gavin thought of arms engulfing him, warming him. It was getting hard to remind himself that people cared; that hugs existed.

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

He was dumb for thinking all this; he was a grown man for Christ’s sake! It was stupid; all this was stupid. Gavin hated himself. He hated his mind and how self-loathing it always seemed to be. He would never get better.

_Ouch I have lost myself again_

“This isn’t me.” He chanted. “I’m not this weak.” He tried to convince himself hopelessly. He rubbed at the scars, hoping for any sensation. He needed the release, but knew it only brought more trouble.

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

His phone buzzed twice more, with two new texts, before someone tried to call him. Gavin humored himself momentarily and considered answering.

_Yeah I think that I might break_

He was falling apart at the seams. It felt like if he let go of his legs, he’d shatter. He had to hold himself together.

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

He knew that logically, he shouldn’t be alone right now. But his mind wasn’t thinking logically. Gavin scared even himself.

_Be my friend_

_Hold me, wrap me up_

Gavin glanced over at his bed-side table that held his pain meds; the pills that had been his friend more than once. He momentarily wondered who let him keep those in here…

_Unfold me_

_I am small and needy_

His phone was buzzing like a mad house from its spot on the coffee table. Gavin had no inclination to answer it.

_Warm me up_

_And breathe me_

Gavin let a few tear stray from his eyes finally. He really shouldn’t be alone. For once, he didn’t want to be alone, but could remember how to make his arm reach for the phone. Instead, he sat there, watching it ring for many minutes.

_Be my friend_

Gavin continued rocking, even as he heard someone yelling his name outside.

_Hold me, wrap me up_

“Gavin? Gavin are you home?” They yelled, banging on the door. ‘I’m here.’ His voice wasn’t working.

_Unfold me_

Suddenly, the door flew open. Michael hadn’t realized Gavin left it unlocked, again. It took Michael a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dark room, but he found Gavin sitting on the couch and rushed over.

_I am small and needy_

“Why didn’t you answer my calls, you moron?” Michael sat down next to Gavin and pulled him into his lap. He stoked the hair out of Gavin’s eyes, as Gavin let out a sob, muffled by his own knee.

_Warm me up_

“You’re ok.” Michael hugged him close. “You’re ok. You’re gonna be ok.” He whispered.

_And breathe me_

Gavin took a deep breath, and forgot about the dumb pain pills. He didn’t need them.


End file.
